Day 14 - Boundaries...How Are You Teaching People to Treat You?

Someone far wiser than I once said that we teach people how to treat us. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. That last part was a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. So how are you teaching people to treat you?

Do you set healthy boundaries and show people you respect yourself through self-care and self advocacy? Do you draw the line when someone starts treating you with disrespect? Are you showing people you know your value by taking care of yourself?

I have seen it happen so often in the corporate environment where people, especially women, are so afraid of being sidelined that they neglect themselves and their health in the interest of keeping a job. As a result, they are available anytime of the day or night, weekends, holidays, vacations, and sick time. So what message are you sending to your employer when you allow them to use you without limit? Your message to the people you work with or for is that their emergency is your priority, and everything with them becomes an emergency because they know they can get you to treat it as such. You put your personal and professional needs behind everyone else's needs. After you live in that dynamic for awhile, good luck trying to change it. It's not just your job where that happens, it happens with family and friends too.

But just because people may react badly when you try to upset the status quo, it doesn't mean you don't deserve to be treated with respect. When you try to set new boundaries that you didn't have before, other people have to change the way they interact with you. It's likely they were comfortable with the way things were and will try to resist your newfound strength. Do not let them derail you.

Having healthy boundaries helps to define you as a person. When you don't have strong boundaries, you don't know where you begin and the other person ends because you don't have a clear identity of your own. For instance, if you strongly identify as someone's wife, you feel that you cannot exist without that person so you do everything you think you should to keep your partner happy. In the process of constantly trying to be the perfect spouse, you lose who you are as a person. Being a parent is the same thing. If you only identify as someone's mom, once the kids are grown and no longer need you the way they did growing up, you have no discernible purpose in life.

The problem with assuming these roles is that we teach the people we co-exist with that they should treat us as the one who will do everything for them. So when they are expected to stand on their own two feet, they are unprepared to do so. As a result, not only did we lose ourselves but they were also taught that they need someone to take care of them too and the dynamic continues to be perpetuated.

The bottom line is...set firm limits for yourself so that your identity remains intact and you teach other people in the meantime that they can take care of themselves if they just gave themselves a chance. Respect yourself and expect nothing less than respect from everyone you meet. You may get some pushback from people who are used to you being at their beck and call, but they can learn self reliance and to respect your limits the same way they learned that you didn't have strong boundaries. And treat yourself at least as well as you want to be treated by others...you deserve it.

In case you missed my post on June 30th, I am using this 31 day challenge to hold myself accountable for walking my talk. Several years ago, I was able to take off 135 pounds and essentially save my own life. I have regained much of that weight so I am working my way back down. 

If you choose to join me on this journey, I hope I am able to impart some nutritional and lifestyle wisdom. Even though I may have gone off the rails temporarily I can still share some of my first hand experience as well as my acquired knowledge and training to help you make the right changes for your best life.

As a health coach, I work with women to find their power to overcome health challenges and live a fuller, happier, more energetic life. If you would like to have a free consultation about the health challenges you have and the improvements you would like to see in your health, click here to schedule a no strings attached call.

Day Thirteen - Can We Talk About Loving Ourselves?

It's really no wonder we see so many girls and young women with eating disorders in this country. Have you seen the size of the models they use to advertise the clothing they are supposed to want to wear? The pictures are photoshopped to an unnatural size and shape. The ridiculous perfection is unattainable by anyone, including the person posing for the picture! 

Body shaming is the act or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size (definition resulting from a Google search of the term 'body shaming'). This can be done to others and to ourselves. Whether it's being done to us by another person or by our own critical self-talk, the result can be very detrimental mentally, emotionally and ultimately physically.

When we hold ourselves to an unattainable standard of physical perfection, it can result in all sorts of problems. The negative impact to one's self esteem can cause a person to engage in dangerous self-destructive behaviors such as self mutilation like cutting, binging and purging, starvation, exercising to the point of severe injury and many other manifestations of self-loathing.

Comparing ourselves negatively to others, either physically or by some other standard, is never beneficial and is often detrimental to our well-being. For one thing, we don't know someone's whole story, so we compare ourselves to our interpretation of that person. What we see of them is through the lens of our own experience and is often a skewed view of the other person's reality.

Don't participate in the shaming of others or of yourself. Honor yourself by taking care of your body and finding ways to love it. Be thankful that you have a body that has served you through your life. It has gotten you through whatever you have experienced thus far. Treat your body and yourself with respect. Do not speak negatively about yourself to others or to yourself. Your subconscious hears what you say but cannot distinguish the truth from a fallacy so say only kind things about yourself. When talking to others, speak about yourself with the respect you would give to them. You deserve to be treated at least as well as you would treat others.

If you look for reasons to like your body, you will find them. Take care of it. It's the only place you have to live.

In case you missed my post on June 30th, I am using this 31 day challenge to hold myself accountable for walking my talk. Several years ago, I was able to take off 135 pounds and essentially save my own life. I have regained much of that weight so I am working my way back down. 

If you choose to join me on this journey, I hope I am able to impart some nutritional and lifestyle wisdom. Even though I may have gone off the rails temporarily I can still share some of my first hand experience as well as my acquired knowledge and training to help you make the right changes for your best life.

As a health coach, I work with women to find their power to overcome health challenges and live a fuller, happier, more energetic life. If you would like to have a free consultation about the health challenges you have and the improvements you would like to see in your health, click here to schedule a no strings attached call.

Day 12 - Did You Ever Have One of Those Days?

Today was a really good one but very busy. I started the day with a meeting with a potential coaching client who I think will be joining my program. I then came home to work on a presentation I gave to possibly do something pretty big with women's heart health. That meeting went extraordinarily well also. Even though the day was productive and fulfilling, I felt like a hamster on a wheel. I'm not sure why. It wasn't particularly rushed but I felt busy all day.

When I was employed, a day like this would have been a very easy one. I've lost my hustle. But that's okay. What's not okay is that I felt hungry all day. I should preface this by saying that last night, I stopped eating about 4:30 after a pretty light dinner and didn't eat again until about 8:00 this morning. Last night, I went to the gym and when I returned home around 10:30PM, I was famished but chose to go to bed.  I ate a decent breakfast as I always do and went to my meeting. When I got home, I needed to prepare for my next meeting so lunch was delayed. When i finally ate lunch, it was about 2:30 and I needed to leave for my next meeting about 3:15 so lunch was on the lighter side. When I got home about 6:30, I was again famished and had dinner but here we are at 9:30 and I just had a snack because I'm tired of feeling like I'm starving. So much for my 5PM cutoff. I also made the executive decision not to go to the gym tonight because I'm tired and I want to relax and go to bed early.

Now here's the thing...I am not going to feel bad about these rather questionable decisions I have made. Remember, I'm giving up my 'all or nothing' approach, as I stated in this blog post. I plan to go to bed at a reasonable time tonight, get up early tomorrow and go to the gym before the day gets away from me. I now know I can go to the gym at night or any time during the day and it works for me. Maybe I should have gone this morning but I went so late last night because I had some coaching calls until almost 10PM. Because I got home late, I didn't get to bed until almost 1AM...not a good way to start the next day. Again, I won't be beating myself up about this because in the big picture, I'm doing well. I've been keeping my food intake to an eight to nine hour window and I have been exercising more days than I haven't. In fact, I went to the gym seven of the past nine days and will pick it up again tomorrow.

Why am I spilling all of this somewhat useless (to you) information? Mostly I'm oversharing because, as I mentioned at the beginning of the month, I'm using this forum to keep myself accountable. It's part of what I do for my clients. I hold them gently accountable for what they say they're going to do for themselves. I want them to know they are as worthy as anyone else they make a promise to.

Why do we put ourselves at the bottom of the priority list? Do we have some misguided notion that everyone else's priorities are more important than our own health and well-being? We're all busy, I get that. But you cannot take care of everyone else's needs if you don't practice self care. Everyone knows you cannot pour from an empty vessel. If you don't refill your cup, you can't fill anyone else's. If you don't practice self care, everyone in your charge suffers. Is that really what you want? It isn't noble or heroic or courageous to take care of everyone else's needs ahead of your own. Who will take care of you when you finally do crash? Are the people you take care of going to be able to care for you? It's important to know that we are all human, with human capabilities. Your superpower is your ability to care first for you, then for the rest of your family or whoever relies on you. Anything less than that is a fool's mission. And you are no fool. Take care of yourself.

In case you missed my post on June 30th, I am using this 31 day challenge to hold myself accountable for walking my talk. Several years ago, I was able to take off 135 pounds and essentially save my own life. I have regained much of that weight so I am working my way back down. 

If you choose to join me on this journey, I hope I am able to impart some nutritional and lifestyle wisdom. Even though I may have gone off the rails temporarily I can still share some of my first hand experience as well as my acquired knowledge and training to help you make the right changes for your best life.

As a health coach, I work with women to find their power to overcome health challenges and live a fuller, happier, more energetic life. If you would like to have a free consultation about the health challenges you have and the improvements you would like to see in your health, click here to schedule a no strings attached call.

Day Eleven - R&R...Where Do You Get Yours?

Everyone needs downtime, even me. I have the best life in the world. I get to do what I love and get paid for it. I can do it when I want and where I want. I can work as much or as little as I choose. It really doesn't get better than that. But I still need to stop, regroup, recharge and breathe. 

I will often over-schedule myself so that I am running from one meeting to the next. I commit to things that are more work than I anticipated and I'm a terrible procrastinator. Most of my stress is self-imposed, either because I over scheduled or put things off or didn't say no when I should have. So when this happens for a few days in a row, I stop and take a break. 

This is my sanctuary and my office in nice weather

Taking a break may consist of napping in the hammock under the crab apple tree or sitting on the patio having a beverage. Right now I'm writing this post on my front porch, listening to the rain. 

This is the view from my front porch in the rain

Sometimes a break could be just a break from a stressful environment. You could still be working but doing it someplace peaceful and quiet. Or it could be disconnecting from electronics like email and social media. Or it could be a full on vacation. It can be whatever makes you feel relaxed and renewed. 

There are several ways you can unplug for a few minutes without losing work time. Sit back from your work and take a few deep, slow breaths until you can feel yourself relaxing. Get up and stretch your muscles. If you are drinking half your body weight in ounces of water (as I recommended in this earlier blog post), you will likely have to get up frequently to use the rest room. Take that opportunity to move your body and stretch your muscles.

You will find that if you give yourself breaks throughout the day, you will likely be more productive and less stressed. Your energy level will remain higher and your output will be of a higher quality. It will be good for your body and soul.

And by the way...I went to the gym last night and discovered that I am able to work out at a higher level at the end of the day than at the beginning. It think it may be because I ate throughout the day and was not exercising at the end of a long fast. Remember, I'm practicing intermittent fasting (as I talked about in this earlier blog post). I'm going again tonight to see if it was a fluke, but I don't think it was.

In case you missed my post on June 30th, I am using this 31 day challenge to hold myself accountable for walking my talk. Several years ago, I was able to take off 135 pounds and essentially save my own life. I have regained much of that weight so I am working my way back down. 

If you choose to join me on this journey, I hope I am able to impart some nutritional and lifestyle wisdom. Even though I may have gone off the rails temporarily I can still share some of my first hand experience as well as my acquired knowledge and training to help you make the right changes for your best life.

As a health coach, I work with women to find their power to overcome health challenges and live a fuller, happier, more energetic life. If you would like to have a free consultation about the health challenges you have and the improvements you would like to see in your health, click here to schedule a no strings attached call.

Day 10 - Progress Not Perfection

Do you recall when I stated this journey, I said I always felt that I had to get up at 5AM to go to the gym or I wouldn't go? Well, I haven't done that once. I get up at 6 or 7AM and get to the gym at whatever time I get ready to go. And guess what? I'm perfectly fine going at any time and I get my workout in. My reasoning for going at 5AM was to not have to deal with a crowded gym and running into people I know. I have been at several different times in the morning and I haven't one had to wait for anything and the place was busy but never crowded. I have run into several people I know, chatted a bit and went on my way. It's actually very nice to see my friends dong their best to stay healthy. So that dumb story I was telling myself was just that...a story. 

I decided to stay in bed a little longer today. I got to bed a little late and the meeting I had on my calendar for this morning was postponed for a couple of weeks, so I decided to be lazy. It's now almost 11AM and I still haven't gotten to the gym, but I will. 

My MO every morning is to get up, brush my teeth and get dressed for the gym. If I'm already in my workout clothes, I'm not going to go anywhere else dressed like this so I can only go to the gym or go for a walk. It's already a little too warm to walk. 

I love walking but since my foot injury many months ago, I am in pain after a nice long walk so I don't do it very often. I really miss it though. Someone once told me I was like a Masai warrior because anywhere you drove in town, you were likely to see me walking. I would walk for miles, come home and collapse in the hammock for a nice nap in the shade of the crabapple tree. My goal is to find my way back to being able to walk like that again. I think taking off some weight will assist in that goal.

I have always been an 'all or nothing' person which may be a sign of a perfectionist. I'm not a perfectionist in the sense that I think everything has to be exact and perfect, but I think I use my 'all or nothing' mentality as an excuse to procrastinate. Hence, the '5AM or bust' need to go to the gym. 

Yesterday I went to my favorite Thai restaurant for lunch and probably should have packed half my lunch to go and only eaten half of it then, but I ate the whole thing. I still was not hungry at 5PM for dinner and because I'm practicing intermittent fasting,  I did not eat dinner and when I got up this morning,  was fine. Yesterday I really only had one full meal, which was that Thai lunch. Breakfast was very light because I ate after exercise and only had a short time before lunch. So even though I probably had a very calorically dense lunch, I didn't exacerbate the issue by continuing to eat for the rest of the day. Progress not perfection. I am really trying to ditch that 'all or nothing' approach in everything I do.

Where is your perfectionism keeping you from accomplishing what you want to have the life you want? Tell me in the comments.

In case you missed my post on June 30th, I am using this 31 day challenge to hold myself accountable for walking my talk. Several years ago, I was able to take off 135 pounds and essentially save my own life. I have regained much of that weight so I am working my way back down. 

If you choose to join me on this journey, I hope I am able to impart some nutritional and lifestyle wisdom. Even though I may have gone off the rails temporarily I can still share some of my first hand experience as well as my acquired knowledge and training to help you make the right changes for your best life.

As a health coach, I work with women to find their power to overcome health challenges and live a fuller, happier, more energetic life. If you would like to have a free consultation about the health challenges you have and the improvements you would like to see in your health, click here to schedule a no strings attached call.

Day Nine - Stress...the Enemy Within

Do you feel like you are up to your elbows in alligators all the time? Do you constantly feel like you're chasing a deadline? Are you financially strapped, always afraid that the next catastrophic event will put you onto the street? These feeling s of constantly being under stress will have a negative impact on your ability to maintain a healthy weight.

Before I lost 135 pounds in 2010/11, I was in a very stressful, deadline focused job, raising two teenagers, keeping up a home and I was the sole breadwinner for our family. I was always working late and constantly putting out fires at work. I ate badly, didn't exercise, got too little sleep and what I did get was sub-optimal. I would anesthetize myself with wine and Advil to get to sleep at night. It worked...I did get to sleep, but about two to three hours later I would wake up in a cold sweat with heart palpitations and almost a full-on panic attack. Of course every problem, issue, argument and deadline was looming large at that time and made it impossible for me to get back to sleep. I would lie awake for hours, hoping I would be able to get through my day on caffeine and sugar. 

But then the unthinkable happened. I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and for a year I was treated with chemo and radiation. I was fortunate though. I was out of work for six months to undergo said treatment. When I returned to work, I was transferred to another position within my department which did not have deadlines and had a much more manageable workload. Gone was the overtime and the fire fighting. It made it possible for me to save my life. Once I was out from under all of that pressure at work, I was able to focus on self care and lose weight, exercise and generally tend to my own health needs. It was a game-changer for me.

Where are the stressors in your life? If you have a family, you have stress. You can have the best kids in the world, but if you are a parent you know what I mean. If you work outside or in your home, you have stress. In this environment of doing more with less, there is often the fear of job loss. Many Americans are one paycheck away from bankruptcy and many also do not have adequate retirement savings so that they can finally stop working and enjoy their golden years. 

A body under constant and continuous stress will likely develop physical and mental or emotional symptoms such as: headache, digestive issues, insomnia, irritability, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, anti-social behavior, chest pain, elevated blood pressure, and many other health issues. Chronic stress could also lead to poor lifestyle choices such as: poor food choices, excessive drinking, reckless behavior and is linked to several disease states. Stress is linked to several of the leading causes of death like heart disease, accidents, cancer and suicide. 

People under chronic stress are more likely to engage in dangerous or compulsive behaviors like gambling, casual sex, pornography and overuse or abuse substances such as: tobacco, alcohol, recreational drugs, and shopping. Ironically, the behaviors used by people trying to alleviate stress actually end up adding to and increasing the stress level. The victims are trapped in a vicious, never-ending cycle of chronic stress.

The Mayo Clinic suggests ways to minimize or alleviate the effects of stress on the body. They suggest practicing relaxation technics like: deep breathing, meditation, yoga, tai chi, regular massage (my favorite). Get regular exercise or other kinds of physics activity. Socialize with people  you love or at least like, engage in relaxing hobbies and don’t take yourself or your life so seriously. Be sure to get enough good quality sleep, make healthy food choices, avoid using tobacco and recreational drugs, and  avoid excess alcohol and caffeine intake.

The effects of stress on the body often look like health issues. If you have taken steps to lower or eliminate the stress in your life and you still experience symptoms, see your health professional. There could be something else going on. If you experience shortness of breath, chest pressure or pain, dizziness or pain in arms or shoulders upon exertion, seek immediate and emergent help. These could be signs of a cardiac event and must be addressed immediately.

Stress is an inevitable part of life but if it is unrelenting, it can be a troublemaker that you do not need. Pay attention to the stressors in your life and do your best to eliminate them or at least minimize them. Get away from the alligators.

In case you missed my post on June 30th, I am using this 31 day challenge to hold myself accountable for walking my talk. Several years ago, I was able to take off 135 pounds and essentially save my own life. I have regained much of that weight so I am working my way back down. 

If you choose to join me on this journey, I hope I am able to impart some nutritional and lifestyle wisdom. Even though I may have gone off the rails temporarily I can still share some of my first hand experience as well as my acquired knowledge and training to help you make the right changes for your best life.

As a health coach, I work with women to find their power to overcome health challenges and live a fuller, happier, more energetic life. If you would like to have a free consultation about the health challenges you have and the improvements you would like to see in your health, click here to schedule a no strings attached call.

Day 8 - Why Is It Harder Now Than It Was In The 70s To Maintain A Healthy Weight?

DISCLAIMER - not my feet, not my scale and not my weight.

First...as promised, I said I would report my journey and Monday is the day I chose to do weigh in. Recall that last week, I lost over seven pounds...7.4 to be exact. Well this morning I weighed myself and gained back one of those pounds. I was a little disappointed but it will not derail me. Part of the reason may be that I started exercising last week and have done so every day except yesterday, including this morning. While exercising, I drank 32 ounces of water and came home and ate breakfast. Last week, I didn't have that extra liquid before weighing myself so I'm going to attribute it to that. I want to get on the scale at the same time on the same day every week which means I will have exercised, drunk 32 oz. of water and eaten breakfast. As long as I'm consistent, I'll get a pretty good feel for my progress. 

Here's the important part though. I feel like I lost some weight. I have more energy. I'm sleeping better, although not surprisingly, last night I didn't sleep so well and I didn't go to the gym yesterday morning. But I got my behind up anyway and went this morning. And you know what? I don't regret losing the sleep. I'll go to bed earlier tonight and get a full night's sleep. And I fully expect to sleep soundly and deeply tonight and will wake up ready to conquer the gym again.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program (see the title for a hint). According to this article, there are several factors contributing to the growing girth of our society. Even if we ate less and exercised more than our same aged counterparts in 1970, we would still have a harder time maintaining a healthy weight.

• Stress - even if stress causes you to lose your appetite temporarily, in the long run the cortisol it causes your body to produce will increase belly fat. We are often in a constant state of fight or flight and our bodies never get a break from the stress.
• Environment - there are ingredients in products we use every day that are estrogenic, meaning they imitate estrogen in our bodies, causing weight gain. Ingredients such as BPA, PCBs, triclosan, pesticides, fire retardants, just to name a few, affect how our bodies function.
• Food - the quality of our food supply is not the same as it was fifty years ago. We have additives and preservatives that our bodies don't know how to process. The soil is depleted of nutrients and there are many food items that have been genetically modified (GMOs). When multiple generations of mice have been fed GMO food, they end up morbidly obese along with having multiple other health problems.
• Drugs - the rampant use of prescription pharmaceuticals, especially antidepressants, has the unpleasant side effect of weight gain
• Microbiome - the bacteria in our gut is designed to help eliminate toxins from our body and neutralize the effects of bad bacteria and yeast. However, the Standard American Diet does not promote good gut health and in fact, often has ingredients that actually kill off the good bacteria (think antibiotics in factory farmed meat). 

There are ways to mitigate the impact of modern life on your waistline.

• Eat real food - stay away from food that comes in a box, bag or can. If it wasn't alive, don't eat it. And if it contains any artificial ingredients, don't eat it.
• Eat organic - minimize exposure to chemical pesticides that disrupt your body's ability to do its job
• Read labels - if your personal care products have any of the hormone disrupting chemicals listed above, don't use them
• Manage stress - take breaks, get adequate sleep, meditate, laugh, exercise, to minimize blood sugar fluctuations
• Avoid overusing prescription drugs - only take antibiotics when other alternatives are not possible. Antibiotics kill off good bacteria as well as bad and can lead to an overgrowth of candida (yeast) in the body
• Eat food that supports a healthy gut - fermented foods, foods with active probiotics, garlic, onions and asparagus, all promote a healthy microbiome

While our modern life makes it more difficult to maintain a healthy weight, it isn't impossible. Just make sure you eat the way nature intended. Eat plants, not food that was made in a plant.

  

In case you missed my post on June 30th, I am using this 31 day challenge to hold myself accountable for walking my talk. Several years ago, I was able to take off 135 pounds and essentially save my own life. I have regained much of that weight so I am working my way back down. 

If you choose to join me on this journey, I hope I am able to impart some nutritional and lifestyle wisdom. Even though I may have gone off the rails temporarily I can still share some of my first hand experience as well as my acquired knowledge and training to help you make the right changes for your best life.

As a health coach, I work with women to find their power to overcome health challenges and live a fuller, happier, more energetic life. If you would like to have a free consultation about the health challenges you have and the improvements you would like to see in your health, click here to schedule a no strings attached call.